By A. Mars*
The Ottawa Police Service has assured me that their finest detective is on the case.
“The value?” I asked into the phone. “Well, it was $12 for 32 marigolds at Canadian Tire, but that was back in June, when marigolds were readily available. And those were immature marigolds. By mid-July, a mature, groomed marigold is worth much more. Plus the time. Four neighbours put in constant effort. That has value. And you can’t forget the love – it’s so hard to put a price on love. Plus inflation. But if I have to put a number on it, I would say the missing property is easily valued at anywhere between $80,000-$90,000.”
There have been three reported flower heists in Lowertown in the last 72 hours. The first occurred between the hours of midnight and 9 a.m. on Saturday, July 15, when roughly 12 mature marigolds were removed from a community planter box at the corner of King Edward Avenue and St. Andrew Street. No witnesses were present at the time of the incident.
The second heist occurred 48 hours later, on Monday, July 17, when another dozen marigolds were stolen from the same community planter box. Finally, that same morning, a potted hibiscus was taken from the front porch of a private residence. The incidents are believed to be related. Multiple security cameras in the area picked up suspicious activity around 3:39 a.m. on the morning of July 17.
Residents are asked to be on the lookout for a woman pushing an empty baby stroller filled with garden equipment at odd hours of the night while closely examining flowers planted in raised beds. It is believed that she is working in collaboration with an individual seen carrying a garbage can full of what appears to be leafy foliage.
Lowertowners are asked to report any tips to the Ottawa Police Service directly. Citizens should act natural and remain calm should they notice utility trucks with an abundance of antennae parked for an unusually long time on local streets.
*The author has used a nom de plume. All events in this story are fictional, except the flower heists. That part is 100% true.